Selling drugs to white people

In addition to working at the post office, selling speaker parts on the internet, busing tables, wrestling, working as prostitutes in Japan, trafficking humans, killing elephants for their tusks, being the only good player on an American soccer team  and being installed as a puppet dictator by Ronald Reagan, colonized people also generate income by selling drugs to white people.

Special Report: Chinese Man Breath

Chinese man breath is a formidable evolutionary defense mechanism used by Chinese men to ward off their natural enemy: sassy black lady bus drivers. Chinese man breath, however, has its most devastating effect on the innocent, which is anyone within a 30 foot radius of a confrontation between a Chinese man holding a garbage bag full of cans and a sassy black lady bus driver who is “tired” of his “bullshit”.

For those fortunate enough to have yet to incur its wrath, Chinese man breath smells like a terrible, digested stew of what Chinese men really eat. This does not include any sort of delectable egg custard pie or cute little dumpling, as the Chinese man propaganda machine would have you believe. The gruesome reality of the Chinese man diet is that it consists mainly of odious fare such as dried squid, thousand year old kidney stones and your soul.

Making babies

Colonized people make babies like it’s the coolest.

It says somewhere in either the Bible or the Constitution of Spain that one day the world will need at least half of its population to work as a) nurses or b) janitors and colonized people went at it for the next several hundred years.

One great thing about colonized babies is that they are really cute. The babies of warmongering colonizer civilizations often look like shriveled up versions of their grown-up counterparts and are hideous to look at.

Japanese people are perverted and weird

traditional art: steamy girl-on-octopus relations


traditional art: a racoon with giant balls

Stupid hats

If someone who looks like what your religion describes as a serpent demon from the underworld sent to raze your crops and eat your children tells you to wear a stupid hat like this, you wear it.

Jesus

Colonized people totally love Jesus.

That’s probably because Jesus had a lot in common with them – he was poor, he had a terrible job and he liked to get drunk. He also liked donkeys, eating fish, farming and sandals. Jesus probably would have loved Jim Jones and Bon Jovi if he had a CD player but then again who doesn’t?

Another thing that colonized people love about Jesus is that he taught them that if you were poor, drunk and oppressed you would get into heaven. That totally made it worth it for them to be poor, drunk and oppressed for two thousand years until infinity.

Spain

Colonized people love Spain. One would think that being enslaved. tortured. killed and having an alien religion imposed on them by way of brutal, genocidal force for the better part of a millenium would really turn some people off to Spain but that is simply not the case. If you look at a picture of the wealthiest or most powerful person in any former Spanish colony he (and it will always be a he) will undoubtedly be wearing either be a bullfighting costume or a tiesto t shirt.

ps i know tiesto is not spanish but he still sucks.